


Let the good times dance across my mind

by therudestflower



Series: I'd count my blessings but you can only be expected to count so high [4]
Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Christmas fic, Gen, Takes place during As We Are Watching the Sky Unwinding, and overlaps in time but not content with Chapter 4, flangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:14:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28083018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therudestflower/pseuds/therudestflower
Summary: JJ's caseworker brings him a present labelled “to: 14 to 17-year-old boy." The social worker at a school gives him a coat. JJ gives himself shoplifted lighters, and candy.But the gifts that Pope's parents keep promising have his mind running wild, on his first Christmas without John B, and without Dad.
Series: I'd count my blessings but you can only be expected to count so high [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1744066
Comments: 26
Kudos: 50





	Let the good times dance across my mind

Corrine came at the beginning of December with a present wrapped in silver paper, labeled “to: 14 to 17-year-old boy, from: Caring Circle at Christ’s Love.” He turned the square box over while Ms. H and Corrine talked at the kitchen table. 

JJ asked, “Is this from that church that does the surf competition?”

“Um, I’m not sure,” Corrine said, “It is a church, on the mainland. They want to make sure foster kids to get at least one present.” 

“Good Lord,” Ms. Heyward said, “We are getting him presents.” 

“Oh I know--” 

“JJ!” Ms. H interrupted. She grabbed the small square box out of his hands when she spotted JJ tearing the wrapping paper. “That’s for Christmas.” 

“But that’s not for weeks!” 

Ms. Heyward opened a kitchen drawer and taped up the ripped paper. She reached up and stashed it over the fridge, and said, “Don’t you touch that until Christmas morning,” like JJ wasn’t six inches taller than her and could just grab it. Not that he would. 

It wasn’t that surprising to get a pity present. He’d been getting them all his life. Everyone at Kildare Elementary school got a Christmas present the day before winter break--usually school supplies--that was standard. But JJ started getting called into the social worker’s office to pick out a coat in third grade, and that went right on each year, all the way up to now, his junior year of high school. 

JJ wasn’t sure how he got put on the “mega-poor kid” list at school. Some things everyone got, like the Christmas present when they were little, and that hygiene kit at the beginning of the year. But JJ was on a shortlist of extra pathetic kids. Kids who got the Friday food bag, and new shoes in September, and a coat in December. Getting a nice shiny foster home didn’t take him off the list. Pope not being on the list didn’t get him taken off the list. JJ was inherently pathetic. 

When the social worker shuffled up to his gym teacher in the middle of class and pointed at JJ, he knew exactly what it was for. So did everyone else. 

The shoes he usually needed, but not this year. He decided to not do the whole coat thing either. But he wasn't about to talk to the social worker in front of everyone, so he followed her to the freezing office and pretended to look through the stack of coats to be polite. 

“I actually don’t need anything. My foster parents are getting one,” he told the social worker. 

She looked annoyed, like she got paid based on how much crap she gave away. “Just take one. Merry Christmas.” 

JJ took a fuzzy crappy jacket and ditched it in the stairwell by the special ed classroom thirty seconds after leaving. Two days later Heyward yelled at him for leaving the house in a sweatshirt. 

“Why the hell ain’t you wearing your coat?” Heyward asked, grabbing the loose fabric on his sweatshirt sleeve and pulling JJ back inside. 

Was he going to get hit for not having a coat? That wasn’t fair. He didn’t know a lot, but he knew that the state of North Carolina was paying Heyward to keep JJ clothed and fed. And yeah, he knew better than to expect for real, but this was seriously unfair. 

“I don’t know.” 

“Go upstairs and get it.” 

“I’m going to be late for school. Pope already left. ” 

Heyward stepped back and looked at the floor. JJ watched him think, and go from furious to unsure to--embarrassed?

“You didn’t have shit when we got you at that group home.” 

“I did too.” 

“We never got you a coat.” Heyward held onto his sweatshirt loosely, JJ could totally get out of here. He started walking for the door, but Heyward held tighter, stopping him. “Sorry kid. This is my fault. You can’t go to school like that. It’s forty degrees out, they’re gonna call DCS on us.” 

“No they won’t--” Wait. “Yeah! They would. Yeah, I shouldn’t go to school. Can’t risk it.”

Heyward finally let go of JJ’s sweatshirt. He went upstairs, which JJ took as a sign of success. He dropped his backpack on the floor and started looking for the remote. But Heyward came back and held out a big, green oil-stained jacket. 

“Oh come on.” 

“See, now there’s no reason you can’t go to school.” 

Grudgingly, JJ accepted what was clearly a work jacket of Heyward’s. He’d just hide it behind their house on his way to school. But then Heyward cheerfully pushed him into his truck, and drove JJ to school. All the way to school. 

Getting driven to school in that jacket was ten times worse than a mega-poor-kid-social-worker coat. He had to walk in with it. 

But Heyward brought him to the mainland over the weekend and he got an Army Surplus new coat with pockets on the outside and inside. It didn't have weird fuzzies on the fabric from someone else using it first, and it just smelled like the Army Surplus. It was the first time he got to pick one out for real. 

“We should get you new shoes,” Heyward said after JJ had it picked. 

“I have the brown ones.” 

“You don’t wear the brown ones.” Heyward kicked the side of JJ’s boots. “I don’t want you gluing those up for the rest of your life.” 

“But--” JJ started. 

“What?” 

“It’s too much money. Because of Christmas. Then Pope wouldn’t get presents because you bought me shoes. And you already got me one thing so--” 

Heyward laughed, really loud. “Oh man. Oh, you stupid kid. We can get you presents, and shoes. This don’t count. You just get a coat and shoes. You just get them because you’re a kid. And you get presents, because you’re a kid.” 

JJ looked down at his boots. These were his, he got them all on his own, no one had to give them to him. They were getting less black the more worn out they got. They were almost white in some places. He needed new laces again but that’s it.

“Can just you get me shoelaces, and use the extra money for more stuff?” 

Heyward rolled his eyes, like he gave up. “Yeah. Yeah. You got one extra present coming your way.” 

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


JJ didn't have that much money, but he realized that if other people were going to give him presents, he’d have to give them some. 

He could steal stuff. With his great new coat. But in the end, he didn’t really have to.

Pope got the bedside table JJ built at school, and he got that early because there was nowhere to hide it. His cousin Zeb helped him torrent a shitload of music on a flash drive for Kie. Then he stole candy for Zeb and his mom because he helped, but no one else in the Maybank family got a present because he had too many responsibilities for all that. 

He knew that Heyward smoked weed sometimes and would totally get him some of the medical-grade stuff he bought from Esther if that wouldn’t result in him getting doom-level grounded. Instead, JJ stayed late at school the last week before break and made a new Open/Closed sign for the store while Mr. Logan graded worksheets. When Ms. Heyward was gone all day one Sunday, JJ made her favorite cookie brownies with M&M’s that she never had time to make, and hid them in the freezer.

For someone who didn’t really know how to do Christmas, JJ had to give himself credit for making some excellent presents. 

Historically, the Pogues didn’t do much over winter break except try to get beer and sleepover at John B’s. They were all broke as shit, no one was working. Actually, all of The Cut was broke as shit. A few Tourons coming through for a few days of the holiday wasn’t enough to get them out of the drought caused by the offseason. 

JJ saw how John B never expected anything from his dad. But Big John would sometimes show up with a big gift, usually a couple of days after Christmas. The year before he died it was a Nintendo Switch. No games to go with it. John B accepted it with a big grin and a hug, but when they were alone in his room, JJ saw how he was melting down over the cost. 

JJ expected nothing on Christmas. He actually pretty much did not remember any other Christmas in his life, because--well he didn't really know why. Probably because Dad didn’t give a shit so nothing happened. It was another story anyway, but it bugged JJ how it wasn’t like he had Christmas memories he was just ignoring and putting away. It was like it never happened before. 

Maybe it didn’t.

He worked very hard not to have expectations about Christmas with the Heyward’s. Because yeah they talked about presents, but that could be a lie, or JJ or Pope could mess up and they could set them on fire or whatever, and anything could happen. 

“Maybe I should get out of your way,” he said one night, lying in the dark when he couldn’t sleep. Pope also couldn’t sleep, which was absolutely not JJ’s fault. 

“What?” Pope groaned. 

JJ rolled over and hooked an arm over Pope’s side, trapping him. Pope jerked his arm up to attempt to dislodge him, but JJ stayed where he was. “It’s not fair, to you guys, to have to deal with me. And you’re also really boring. I can go to my aunt’s house, it’ll be a lot more fun--” 

“What do you mean, ‘deal with you?’ My parents love you. I love you.” 

“But Christmas is a family thing and my family is like a mile away, and your family--” 

Pope elbowed him hard, and used the element of surprise to turn things around so he was braced on top of JJ. “My mom will cry all day if you even spend a minute away from her on Christmas Eve, Day, and all of those weird days until New Years.” 

“No, she won’t.” 

“Why do you think I never was at John B’s during that time?” 

Now JJ sat up, pushing Pope off him, awake for real. “Wait, what?” 

Pope groaned for like ten seconds straight, then reached over and turned on the lamp on the new bedside table. “What’s tripping you up, buddy?” 

“Christmas is just Christmas. The twenty-fifth. That’s it.” 

Pope laughed and pinched his cheek. “Is that what white people do? Our Christmas is eight days long. It’s making ornaments at Ekeziel’s house, helping Mom get ready for the party at Grandpa’s house, and Mom fighting with his wife, and church on Christmas eve, then for like, six total waking hours we’re home alone, at night and in the morning, then it’s all Mom’s family, all the times, for days. And if you even want to just take a walk around the block, if it’s not with a family member you are abandoning the family. And you’re part of it now! Honestly, this is the most excited I’ve been about you living with us. I finally won’t be bored as shit.” 

“What about Kiara?” 

“Is Kiara family?

“I don’t want to do all that.” Pope decided he was done and turned off the light. He pulled the comforter over his head. JJ pulled it away. “Pope!”

“Sorry man,” Pope said, “you’re domesticated now. It’s all part of it.” 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


“Is there anything you want to do that your family did?” Ms. H asked him while they were at the grocery store on the twenty-second. 

“Uhh.” JJ tried to remember something. Anything. There had to be normal stuff when he was a kid, didn’t there? Mom must have been home sometimes, and she must have done normal stuff when he was little. The only thing he could think of was a scary play-doh movie with a dentist and a jack-in-the-box that probably had nothing to do with Christmas. 

Then, he decided to lie. This was totally an emotional enough thing for her to just believe him, whatever he said. “We had a lot of candy. A lot. Like, candy canes, and Hershey’s kisses. Uh, and we got food at the diner, and brought it home.” 

She full-on bought it. “Okay, you can spend eight dollars on candy here.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes. For the family though, not to hide in your room for another ant parade.” 

“Okay.” 

“When did you go to the diner?” 

JJ consulted the schedule of previously discussed family activities he’d built in his head, and decided to go for a Hail Mary. 

“Christmas Eve. Like, around six o’clock.” 

She started to look a little doubtful. “That’s when we are going to church.”

“Yeah, but we didn’t go to church. No, our thing was getting burgers, and staying home, and watching TV. I’d like to do that. You guys can go to church though, just give me some money and I’ll get the food myself and stay home.” 

For a second, for almost a minute, Ms. H looked like she was going to go for it. And JJ wouldn’t have to go to hours and hours of and hours and hours of church. Then she shook her head and kept moving down the can aisle. 

“No, you’re going to come to church. We just got your DCS money though, we could get take out from the diner tonight.” 

Hell, it was worth a shot. “Can’t we spend more money on candy, then? For my family tradition?” 

“Ten dollars,” Ms. H said, “but make sure you throw in M&M’s.” 

“Deal,” JJ agreed.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


JJ wasn’t home before church, he was on a Heyward sanctioned trip to the convenience store in his dumb church clothes, and it occurred to him that he could just like, not go home. And not have to go to church. All that would happen is he'd get yelled at and grounded. He got kicked out of the store for being there too long after a few minutes, and JJ stood outside, playing with the lighter he’d picked up, deciding what to do. 

Really, it was mean that the parents made him go to church. JJ couldn’t sit still for two minutes, much less the literal hours off noise and unpredictability that was Ms. H’s church. He could see that other people loved it, they cried and sang and cheered and JJ was just a white weirdo in a sea of joy. He didn't fit. Their friend Derek couldn’t stand it either. When Ms. H was in a good mood, she let JJ sit with Derek in the lobby as long as he was _thinking_ about God, but Pope already said that wouldn’t happen tonight. 

And they weren’t his family, not really. It didn’t really matter if JJ was there or church, or the party at Ezekiel’s house after. He wasn’t really part of Pope’s family, for real, and it wasn't like he needed the whole Christmas thing. 

Except Ms. H and Heyward weren’t really in the habit of lying or sparing people’s feelings, and they made it extremely clear that JJ had better be there for every second of the eight-day extravaganza. 

If he skipped church, he probably couldn’t go to Ezekiel’s, and he decided at the last minute to get presents for Aster and Gemma, and there was supposed to be three different pies, and he didn’t want to miss any of that. 

It was just kind of pathetic that he missed Christmas with his parents, when he only remembered a scary jack-in-the-box movie. Maybe it was the head injury, or maybe his brain just ate up bad memories so he could still think there was something to miss. And he was dumb for thinking it’d be different now. 

Except 

That he wasn’t. Because his parents and Pope’s parents were the most different people in the world. They did everything different, especially Christmas. And also, JJ didn’t want to get in trouble and miss it all. Domesticated, like Pope said. 

Then he decided to go home. 

When he came through the door, Ms. Heyward hugged him before he had a chance to fully step inside. She didn’t explain, she just said, “Okay good, we’re all here. Let’s go.” 

  
  


* * *

  
  


JJ’s first Christmas present was that instead of having to pretend to pay attention, he got handed his kind-of cousin Gemma and spent all of church letting her draw on his hands, and folding up the program to make her little paper animals. He didn’t even want to kill anyone when church was over, especially because he’d made about fourteen promises to Aster and Gemma about which toys he would join them in playing with when they got back to their dad’s house. 

Pope said that Christmas Eve at Ezekiel’s was much chiller than the Christmas Day party at Ms. H’s dad’s house, but the gathering still lasted past midnight. JJ kept waiting for something to happen, but it was just eating and talking and listening to music and the adults drinking some beer and nothing else. He and Pope hid out in the kitchen and Facetimed with Kie while she was at a Kook party, mocking everyone around her relentlessly. 

When they got home, Heyward stopped Pope and JJ from going upstairs. He got all serious, with his arms crossed, standing in their path at the foot of the stairs. 

“If you come down here, you stay near the kitchen and the bathroom. Don’t be going in the front room.” 

Shit, now things were going to get weird. JJ’s mind raced to figure out what could be happening in the front room that they weren’t supposed to see, but Pope elbowed him, interrupting the process. 

“Dude. It’s presents.” 

“Don’t go out there,” Heyward repeated. 

“It’s so they can put out the presents and pretend we had no idea it was going to happen,” Pope said. 

“I have presents though, for you,” JJ said, “I want to put them out.” 

Heyward slowly grinned. “You hear that Pope? JJ has presents for us. Look at that. A present, for me. Who would have thought.” 

“I’m just a kid Pop. I don’t got no money,” he said, breaking past Heyward and climbing the stairs. 

JJ hesitated to follow, and Heyward waited for him. “You can put your presents out in the morning. We have a strict rule with Pope, we don’t go down earlier than seven. You gotta stick to that too.” 

“Okay,” JJ said. He wanted to hug Heyward for some reason, but he held back. “Night.” 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


JJ thought maybe he remembered not being able to sleep on Christmas Eve when he was little. Maybe that was one of the stories. In this story, he couldn’t sleep either. JJ listened to the house creak in the wind, and Pope’s parents talking downstairs. He listened hard, until their talking moved to the bedroom across the hall. Then there was just the wind. 

He walked downstairs, carefully stepping on the right places on each step so his journey was almost silent. He stood in the kitchen, wasting time debating taking Ms. Heyward’s brownies out of the freezer. Then he decided no, he’d leave them frozen so she could thaw them whenever she wanted, forever. 

Before crossing the archway into the front room, JJ looked up the stairs to check for parents. In the clear, he stepped quietly to the tree. The tree was plastic, with branches that folded out. They’d had it since Pope got a crazy rash from a real tree. It was lit with built-in rainbow lights that put the room in a blue glow. JJ got on his knees and saw presents spread under the tree, like on TV. There were five for Pope in green paper, mostly book shaped. The five for JJ were in red paper. He couldn’t guess what any of them were. One was the size of Pope’s retainer case, another was a box big enough to hold a helmet. The silver square foster kid present from Corrine was stuck in the back. 

He grinned, feeling his heart race. The clock in the kitchen said 3:04, which meant in four hours he’d get to open these. The house was quiet, and no one would notice if JJ lay down by the tree and just took a minute to look up at all the ornaments and lights. 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


“One rule,” Heyward said, almost silently. JJ jerked awake to Heyward crouched next to him, on the floor by the tree. 

“Fuck.” 

“Two rules. No cussing.” 

JJ sat up and rubbed his eyes. “I didn’t do anything.” 

“Uh-huh.” Heyward got up and offered a hand and helped JJ off the floor. “I see you managed to resist opening anything. Being that this is your first Heyward Christmas, and Pope spent his first nine Heyward Christmases doing this, we’ll pretend it didn’t happen.” 

“Really?” 

“Yep. Now come in the kitchen, your mama is making eggs.” 

Pope had fallen asleep quickly last night, but he was a livewire now, bouncing on his feet while he stood by the toaster with wheat bread ready to toast. He caught JJ's eye and smiled. "Okay, so we can do it now right?" 

"No," Heyward said, "now we're having breakfast. You boys are sixteen years old, you can wait a few minutes." 

"No, we can't," Pope insisted.

Ms. H looked away while JJ came in through the archway into the kitchen and didn't mention his rule-breaking. Once he was safely in the kitchen, she smiled and held her arm out for him to come be hugged. JJ obliged. She prodded the scrambled eggs with one arm and held him close with another. 

"See anything under the tree for you?" she asked. 

"Mmhm," JJ answered. "I made you a present too." 

"I heard!" she said. She looked up at him expectantly, and JJ obediently tilted his head so she could kiss his cheek. "Now, I peeked at that DCS present, and I have to tell you what we got you is much much better." 

"I know," JJ said. 

If he knew anything in this life, he knew that. 

He didn't even have to open a single present to know exactly how good what they got him was. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Title from "The Ballad of Bull Ramos" by the Mountain Goats which is an excellent song with very little to do with Christmas. 
> 
> Ending long stories is hard, writing a Christmas one-shot is not! Here's some verse content to keep you going while I work on the end of "the one thing in the galaxy"
> 
> Tell me what you think!


End file.
